YOU are THE ROSE

My best friend Sarah sang the song "THE ROSE" at my wedding in the year 2002.

It is a song her and I sang, just the two of us, at her piano many many times as teenagers.

I don't think we sang it for any other reason other than Sarah loved Bette Midler, and we just loved to sit there together and sing.

Had I known then that she would loose her life to Cancer when she was 34.....

Had I had know then how the moments of her love and friendship would be so few and precious...

Had I known then how my love for her and my love for God would cause my soul to BLEED with tears....

 Had I known that this song, those memories, her voice, would be an eternal echo in my search for God...

Had I only known.



A letter to Sarah...

Sarah, after calling out to  Jesus for answers when you got sick, after our tears ran together as we prayed hand in hand just days before you went home to Him.....This song began to play in my heart  in a WHOLE NEW WAY.

There is a promise in the end.... in the very last sentence.

 A promise,  that in my GRIEF for you,  reflects the PEACE the Lord has put in my heart.

That even though He is yet to show me his FULL purpose for taking you back to Him now.....

Even though it was not the miracle we had FAITH in.....I believe there IS a miracle still to come.

Its right there Sar!!

Its right there in the last sentence of that song we have sung together since we were 12.

All you have to do is change the spelling of ONE WORD in the last sentence.... and the miracle becomes so clear.


THE ROSE by Bette Midler

Some say love, it is a river, that drowns the tender reed

Some say love, it is a razor, that leaves your soul to bleed

Some say love, it is a hunger, an endless aching need

I say love, it is a flower, and you, its only seed

Its the heart afraid of breaking, that never learns to dance

Its the dream afraid of waking, that never takes the chance

Its the one who won't be taking, who cannot seem to give

And the soul afraid of dying, that never learns to live

When the night has been too lonely and the road has been too long
And you think that love is only for the lucky and the strong.....

Just remember in the winter, far beneath the bitter snows
Lies the seed, that with the SONS love in the spring becomes the rose.


THERE IS IS!!!  Change SUN ...to SON!!

IN the SON, there will be LIFE AGAIN.

In that LIFE, we will bloom together in the warmth of HIS LOVE.

That my Sarah, is our SONG.  Our Miracle.  THE SONS LOVE.

What you also didn't know Sarah,  was just DAYS before you were diagnosed with Cancer,  God had already started to reveal this promise to my heart.

Remember that day that summer we were at my moms??  You were beautifully "very full term pregnant" with your Aaron.  You were glowing... and complaining about your baby weight. 

I remember you that day so clearly.  Rosy cheeks, round pregnant belly,  and laughing.
You were so perfect and healthy.  

We sat on the couch together with no worries for your life,  just HOPE for the future.
We had NO idea inside that beautiful body of yours, there was a perfect baby and a HOST of cancer.

Turns out, THAT same weekend I was praying for an answer to a question.

Up until that day there had been very few times in my life where I had heard God tell me in VERY SPECIFIC WORDS the exact answer to one of my prayers.

Id actually been praying over this questions since I was 14.  I received the first part of the answer as a teenager, but I was now 33...and I wanted MORE DETAILS.   (I will write more about my teenage experience later)

That night....I prayed like I had never prayed before.  I cried out to God to answer me.
Ok, so I MIGHT  have been a bit demanding of God that night. But, I HAD to have an answer.
 I was now 33....I'd had enough of waiting.

The QUESTION I asked was  "GOD!! Show me what I am supposed to become.  SHOW ME HOW to be a WOMAN of GOD.  Give me a PATTERN to FOLLOW of the DIVINE FEMALE "

I had been taught all my life that God is a PAIR.  A Mother and a Father in heaven.  But, the resources on what a Female GOD would even need to be or how I would become that are VERY SMALL.

Lets be honest, the scriptures are sadly lacking for female examples of women receiving from the Lord for themselves. Yes, I could pattern my life after Jesus.  I was TRYING to do that.  BUT...Jesus was a MAN.  There had to be some specific difference in roles, or thinking, or something! I don't think like a man. I just dont.  (bless my husband for putting up with my female brain)

Jesus surrounded himself with women.  He appeared to a woman FIRST after his resurrection. There had to be something that set those women apart whom he cherished and trusted to have in his inner most circle.  BUT THEY DON'T TALK MUCH ABOUT IT!!

I wanted in the circle. I wanted in HIS circle.  I wanted to be counted as a women Christ could trust.   I was determined to put my feet on that path.

So...once again I asked.  "GOD!! Show me what I am supposed to become.  SHOW ME HOW to be a WOMAN of GOD.  Give me a PATTERN to FOLLOW of the DIVINE FEMALE.  "

That night the Lord answered my prayer.   He gave me 4 distinct words.  I HEARD IT.  It was SO CLEAR and distinct.  I could not have invented it, because at the time the answer made absolutely NO SENSE to me. I had no reason for those words to be in my mind.

The Lord said "YOU ARE THE ROSE"

The WHAT??  The ROSE?? I don't even LIKE roses (ask my husband, its totally TRUE)

You are THE ROSE.  What on EARTH does THAT have to do with my prayer?

   I truly had NO IDEA.

But it had been an answer more CLEAR and DISTINCT than I had ever experienced.

So ....I started on my journey to figure out what GOD was trying to teach me.

This blog ......will be a collection of my thoughts along that Journey.  What I have learned.  How I have grown and how I hope to grow to be a WOMAN of Christ.

As I have OPENED my heart to that answer,  the light, love,  and truth that has poured into my life has been breathtaking, soul shaking, surprising, and so overwhelmingly beautiful.

I am still learning.  I am still asking.  I am opening my heart to the Lord one petal at a time.

 I have come to believe that answer to be TRUE. 

The promise that in the SONS love .......even after the darkness, the rain, the snow, and the long freezing winter.... in the Spring I will become THE ROSE.

So Sarah, I continually sing our song.

I sing it in JOY of the promise.... that because of the SONS LOVE....God will makes us THE ROSE.

Someday we will sing it together again side by side.

So Sar, help me remember in the winter, far beneath the bitter snows
Lies the seed, that with the SONS love in the spring becomes the rose.